Our Adoption Story... the Short Version

We never had any intention of adopting.  My husband, Shawn and I were happily raising our 4 kiddos with no signs of adoption in our future.  In fact, adoption was a relatively unknown concept to us.  I have 2 adopted cousins who have always been just my cousins.  Their adoption has never defined them or our relationships.  Shawn has never experienced this journey in anyway.  We had touched on fostering children, but this was FAR in our future.  We agreed to not discuss it again until our youngest was old enough to deal with struggles we had heard comes with this undertaking.  Adoption just was not on the radar… until I met Keegan.

I met Keegan at the Daycare center where I worked as a director.  At the time, I was a full time working mom with 4 biological children.  Shawnie was 11, Emma was 9, Kiley was 6 and Dylan was just 2. Our family felt complete.

Keegan started at Tots Landing at the age of 2.5.  I can remember the day he started and how he shyly accepted a sticker from me when he toured.  He was extremely cute and charming.  He had a little raspy voice and I remember being amazed at how well he spoke… like a little grown man.  In the classroom he was a hot mess.  His behavior was off the wall.  His teachers struggled to get him to listen and follow directions.  On top of this, very quickly, we noticed that he showed signs of neglect and his birthmom was clearly fighting drug addiction.  He did not have a consistent caregiver; it seemed like he shuffled houses every week.  This is how the conversations with his birth mom began.

I was concerned about his well being and his success at our center.  I had many conversation with the birthmom to find out how we could help.  It wasn’t until she was arrested and spent a weekend in jail that she admitted to me that she couldn't be a mom and she could find no one who could take care of Keegan permanently.  She shared that she was considering placing him in foster care.  Without thought I said, “Let him come and live with us.  We will adopt him.”  At the time, I had not even spoken to my husband.  Her girlfriend at the time said, “I told you she would say that”.  We talked about how this transition would happen.  

I came home that night and asked Shawn if I could talk to him.  I told him that I wanted to ask him a question but I did not want him to answer right away.  I wanted him to think about it and let the idea sit.  I then explained the whole story and ended with, “Can we adopt him?”  To my amazement and surprise, Shawn did not say no.  He asked me to go with him to dinner where we would discuss this idea.  At the time, Shawn had never met Keegan.

We live in Lexington where there are literally hundreds of restaurants to choose from.  We chose Johnny Carino’s and were sat in the back of the restaurant.  The waitress took our order and we were just about to start our conversation when I heard, “there’s Ms. Katie!”  My face went white as a ghost and I could barely talk.  Shawn said, “what’s the matter?”  The next words out of my mouth changed our life forever.  “That’s Keegan.”  He was sitting right next to us with his birth grandparents.  What are the odds that he would be sitting next to us as we were preparing to discern adopting him?  In all of the restaurants in Lexington?  At the exact moment, at the exact restaurant, we believe God put us together for a reason.  It was one of many adoption miracles.

There really was no discussion after that.  We knew that we were called to become Keegan’s parents.  Of course during the next year and a half there were many ups and downs in the adoption process.  There was a time we thought we would not be given the opportunity to make Keegan part of our family.  Shawn never gave up hope and always told me that he was meant to be in our family.

The most interesting thing is that we were the most unlikely candidates for adoption.  We did not have a savings account and lived paycheck to paycheck.  We lived in a 1000 square feet home and did not even have a bed for Keegan.  We already had 4 biological children and society would definitely say our family was big enough.  But somehow, everything worked out.  To this day, I have no memory of where the money came to privately adopt Keegan.  The costs were around $5000 and somehow we managed.  The girls I worked with, who made a little over minimum wage, put together a collection and helped us purchase a bunk bed for Keegan.  My in-laws helped finance finishing our basement, which gave us 2 extra bedrooms and doubled our square feet.  When God shows you His will, you follow it… and He will provide.

In August of 2012, Keegan finally became a part of our family through the gift of adoption.  The day was a long time coming.  A time filled with worry, heartbreak, joy and surprises.  On Keegan's adoption day we had our whole family with us in the judges chambers.  It really felt like a dream.  We went around the table, answered questions and were given the privilege of becoming Keegan’s parents.  It happened much more quickly than I thought it would.  That night as we fell asleep confident that our family was safe and all together, I thanked God for the gift of adoption.  I thanked Him for the gift of Keegan’s birth mom and family who allowed us to become Keegan’s parents.  I knew that our lives had changed but I could have no idea how it had changed for the better.

 5 years later, I look back at that time and am so amazed that we walked that path.  It seems like a thousand years ago.  So much has happened since then.  A lot of tears and struggles but so many more laughs and successes.  Adopting Keegan was one of the greatest things our family has ever done.  It is a gift that has made us better people… kinder, more loving, more patient and filled us with an increased faith in God’s will.  It has also filled us with an overwhelming desire to help other families take the leap of faith it requires to adopt.  To share our adoption story as a way to inspire others to make the decision to change the life of a child.

Here is an adoption video we made in 2014 to celebrate our adoption and National Adoption Month.

Happy National Adoption Month... Now What Are You Going To Do About It?

Today begins National Adoption Month. Since the time we had the unbelievable blessing of adding a child to our family through the gift of adoption, I have had a deep calling on my heart to advocate for more adoptions in this country.  This year I have decided to act on this calling and just jumped in to beginning research on adoption.  I really have no idea where this will lead me, but I do know that wherever it takes me it will result in families discerning adoption and hopefully, making the decision to become a child’s forever family.

In this spirit I sent out questionnaires to all perspectives of adoption.  I sent some to birth moms and birth families, families who have adopted, families who have fostered and adult adoptees.  I wanted to get some base information on the adoption process and how that process has impacted their lives.  Using these questionnaires, my goal is to shed some light on the struggles and triumphs that are present in adoption.  The personal adoption stories these families have shared will hopefully help to educate everyone and will speak to someone who has adoption on their heart.  Perhaps what we share will encourage one more adoption this year.  That would truly be a goal! 

When Shawn and I were adopting, we were literally in the dark.  Ours was a private adoption of a 2.5 year old.  We had no idea what questions to ask, how to get funding, how to prepare our family… and we were scared to death.  All along we were led with a deep desire to be our son’s parents and, what we can only attribute, to some divine help along the way.  It was so frustrating that no one could hold our hands on this journey.  We had so many concerns and unanswered questions.  Many of these concerns and questions, beautiful strangers connected by adoption, have answered in these questionnaires.  I would have loved to have this wealth of knowledge.

I plan on spending every day this month writing a blog about the adoption process and how it has affected our lives both positively and negatively.  I will share this in the hopes that you can learn from our mistakes and be inspired by the gift God gave us, most undeserved.  I will also spend each blog sharing one fact that has made me feel such a strong desire to speak out on behalf of those children waiting to be adopted. These facts have been the fire under which I stand.  They are literally forcing me to act.  Forcing me to beg you to consider whether or not you can offer a forever family to a child in need.  This is my first fact to share…

This sounds like a huge number but in 2016, the number of US households was 125.82 MILLION.  That means if only 1 family in every 1100 would follow the call to adopt, there would be no more orphans in our country.  EVERY child in our country would have the gift of a family.

If your family could not, for whatever reason, be one of the adoptive families… ask yourself, how could you support adoptive families who follow the call to adopt?  Could you sponsor an adoption?  Could you help organize an adoption fundraiser?  Could you talk to your friends and family and ask them if they have ever considered adoption?  Think of what could happen if the 125 million families made it their responsibility to actively find forever families for the 114,000 children without one.  Could you even imagine how much this would positively impact our society?

In the blogs to come, I will share alarming facts about the cost of denying families to these children.  You may not think that these orphans are YOUR issue… but you would be shocked to know how many of these orphans fill our prison system, our streets, our mental health community and our government aid programs.  If we only worked hard to help these children in more than just words, our entire country would change for the better.

I so encourage you to share my post with the important people in your lives.  Maybe if they see a fact, a story, a testimony they will be called to adopt.  And in answering that call, you will have helped a child in need.

Before I leave you today I am going to share a quote from Mr. Rogers… the man who walked with most of us through our childhood.  He also happens to be an adoptive brother.  Interesting how so many have that connection…

 

Here’s to the Heroes of Adoption… Birth moms and families, Adoptive families who answered the call to adopt, Foster parents who are in the trenches working daily to make a difference in the lives of children in need and Adult Adoptees who can use their experiences to continue improving and supporting adoption for others. Thank you so much for making a difference!

November is the National Month of Adoption Awareness.  How are you going to help spread the word?